part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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