i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
worst night to have a conscience
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
