I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize