OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
