So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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