dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
