im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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