she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
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I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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