If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Wonâ€™t Believe
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...