i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.