Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
