i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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