Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.