u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
