I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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