Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
