**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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