Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
