i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
