how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
