Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
