So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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