i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
