I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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