I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
