Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
