I want to stick my p in your. b.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
