so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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