sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
