No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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