So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
