Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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