Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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