Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
