i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
