Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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