Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize