Pants 0. Shit 1.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
