I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
