Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
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Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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