Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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