Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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