U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
