Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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