need another drink. this is the easiest way
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
