In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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