I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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