i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
