Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
