return my video game
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
