Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
