My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize