I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
organizing the empties. That sober.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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