I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
