when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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