WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
