so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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