I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
