Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize