i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
