You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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