plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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