just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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