Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
