I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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