it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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