god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
