So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
