Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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