what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
