Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
me + whiskey = a bad person
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
tell me about the eggs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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