god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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