omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
