Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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