I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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