That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
