if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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