I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
