I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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