I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
